Darkness Descends
Drinking all that lager last night and then taking a couple of sleeping pills proved to be a mistake. I feel horrendous today. The only things that have kept me going are a good fry up, gallons of tea and the 1st series of Peep Show on DVD. I think peepshow may have deep meaning. It's funny but thought provoking and total shite at the same time. I have also been reading a religious pamphlet that I received from a work colleague called Can we know GOD? I myself don't believe in god but wish I did, I don't believe in life after death but I wish I did, I don't believe in Christ or Buddha or Odin but I wish I did. Without any spiritual meaning life can seem somewhat empty and pointless. All I believe in is Music and Art and it's just not enough. love would be nice but I have for a long time believed that love has been dreamed up by the media and does not really exist. Talking shit is quite a good hobby though as is writing shite, I realise that all this is shite but that's OK, at least it helps to improve my pathetic typing skills.
Play list
Motorhead
ShitScone
FinnTroll
Slayer
B52's
DVD
Peep Show
Female Yakuza Tale
Reading
Can We Know GOD? - Maurice Roberts
Writing Horror Fiction - Guy N Smith
Alarums - Richard Laymon
Food
Byrdseye frozen Chicken Pie and beans or chips.
Spag Bol/Dolmio Sauce
Bacon & Egg with Butteries and chili ketchup.
Drink
Tennents Lager (Fucking Hell)
Green Goblin Cider
Ginger Beer
Tea
Play list
Motorhead
ShitScone
FinnTroll
Slayer
B52's
DVD
Peep Show
Female Yakuza Tale
Reading
Can We Know GOD? - Maurice Roberts
Writing Horror Fiction - Guy N Smith
Alarums - Richard Laymon
Food
Byrdseye frozen Chicken Pie and beans or chips.
Spag Bol/Dolmio Sauce
Bacon & Egg with Butteries and chili ketchup.
Drink
Tennents Lager (Fucking Hell)
Green Goblin Cider
Ginger Beer
Tea
posted by Clawhammer at 2:36 pm
22 Comments:
Blimey I missed this post when you first penned it and am I glad I did. You sleeping pill poppin Shitescone grind fan looking for God!
You need to eat less of those Birds Eye chicken pies and gorge aplenty on mechanically reclaimed meat made famous in Scotch Pies?
You know the recipe, brains, balls and all!
Taking writing skills from Guy N Smith now eh?
"The giant cockroach slept in their rancid lair, the humid fetid atmosphere nearly choked Amy as she edged closer to Jack who had already made himself a vantage point on the ledge overlooking the writhing cockroach larve. Jack whinced in some discomfort as he clutched the heavy cumbersome flame-thrower he adjusted his position which only meant getting closer to Amy. She groaned as she could feel him next to her and before she could resist his lips were tasting her neck and cheeks and mouth. His hands were all over her eager body, groping at Amy's ample breasts he pushed them out of her white lacy bra revealing large hardened nipples while at the same time she moved her desperate hands toward his trouser trapped hardness. Amy moaned as she felt its size not letting go as she wriggled out of her jeans impatient to feel Jack push into her wetness........the queen cockroach was awake sensing the fear and lust....to be continued........
This comment has been removed by the author.
I mean to say 'What pray is Green Goblin Cider?'
This comment has been removed by the author.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cockroach Plague (Part 2)
"Amy slid herself under Jack and moaned out loud she had wanted to feel his manhood deep within her wetness. Jack rose up and pushed himself further and faster into Amy while all the time roughly kneading her left breast with his earthy stained hand. Nothing else mattered not even the giant cockroaches...."
'No way! No way on God's Green Land can a cockroach be bigger than a Renault Estate! Can it…!?!'
Paraphrased from Garth Marenghi's 'Crab'
'Trucks, titty, and terror. An unholy trinity.' The Express
Regarding Marenghi's horror epic "Juggers"
By the way Oh Mighty Claw
Have you read Guy N Smith's Blood Show?
Well worth a butchers my old china
Cockroach Plague (Part 3)
"Amy with heaving breasts exposed writhed in ecstacy beneath Jack, in her orgasmic contortion it took her more than a second to notice the changing shape of Jack's head. At first it appeared as though his face was in the grip of an elasticated grimace until it was apparent of something behind Jack. His scalp and attached skin was literally being sucked from his skull by the feeding of a predator. Amy screamed..."
Cockroach Plague (Part 4)
"Amy's hysteric screaming abruptly turned into a choking gurgle as the giant cockroach smashed a skeletal incisor right through Jack's skinless lifeless form into Amy into the very same place that Jack had been so hungrily filling just seconds before"
Blimey! It's just like being transported back to a time when Horror novels by Mr. Smith and his chums. Mr. Herbert and Mr. Masterton were anticipated with bated breath! Keep writing!
Cockroach Plague (Part 5)
Elliot had been happy to take the money from Brentin Pharmaceuticals to dump the odd barrel or two on his farm. Afterall it wasn't hurting anybody and Phil from Brentin assured him it was only weedkiller residue and some other stuff with fancy names that he couldn't remember. Who cares?
Trouble with Eilliot was he didn't bury it instead he left the weeping barrels in his old barn next to some rotting hen feed.
"Damn insects, damn cockroaches!" he grumbled while stamping wildly on the small scurrying creatures. The barn hadn't smelt good since he had been storing Brentin's barrels. Smelt like decay more than usual more than the stench of old hen corn more like something dying like a carcass. Another thing Elliot noticed was the temperature in the dark barn, it was warm, humid almost tropical.
"Must bury those rotten barrels it'll be them whats to blame"
Cockroach Plague (part 6)
Arthur Elliot's farm servant Tom Everedge didn't like that he had to bury those barrels. No Tom had other ideas as he climbed up to the barn loft. "Fuck off Arthur if you think I'm going to spend all morning moving those stinking things".
Tom was already sweating and breathing heavily by the time he climed into the old barn loft. "Fucking hot in here".
He pushed an old sack and a bucket and while doing so Tom could have sworn he heard something in the far corner. He swiveled around to and squinted into the darkness, "Fucking rats!" he mumbled and returned to moving the sack and bucket. Once cleared he sat down and peered through the wooden wall which looked down onto the farmhouse.
He waited for about 20 minutes before the object of his patience appeared, Mrs Elliot the farmer's wife. She was moving around the house in her dressing gown, and flowery patterned outfit which barely covered her sagging hips and tits. Tom moved with excitement and continued to watch Mrs Elliot as she sat in front of her bedroom dressing table. Tom watched as the farmer's wife pulled open her robe and began to rub body lotion over her large breasts. In an almost stop-start way Tom moved his head from side to side to get a better look at Mrs Elliot's charms but the view was not as much as he liked. Instead Tom fantasised and the excitement built up
OI! Get orf moi woife, you dorty bugger!
Please click on my name, this will take you to an amazon uk page where you will find the book I want for Christmas. Thank you in advance!
Another Guy N. Smith bargain from an Amazon seller!
Just click on Insane!!! or paste this link into your browser
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Night-Crabs-Guy-N-Smith/dp/0440203384/ref=sr_1_2/203-9729282-8927910?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1192522097&sr=1-2
Night of the Welks!
In the Tradition of Cockroach Plague!
Part 1 - A great night in!
Issak Macatoot was happy as a pig in shite! Life was sweeter than the proverbial nut and everything was going his way. A £20 win at the bookies followed by 12 pints at the Cramps Bar and a double fish and chips covered in salt and vinegar, 5 pickled onions and two pickled eggs from the chipper were setting him up for a great night in!
He was going to nip into the Off Liscence for a bottle of Grouse and then up to his birds for a feed of mince and tatties followed by a massive bowl of rice pudding. Following that would be a couple of hours in front of the telly downing his whisky and then up to bed to give "hersel" a good seeing to.
to be continued...
Part 2: A great night "in" 2.
Lotty Macaslapper groaned with delight as Issak slammed his "hardness" DEEP into her moistness! They had been making sweet love for all of 5 minutes and already she was reaching her third shattering climax! Issak started to howl, his "member" started to throb and he flooded her "secret place" with his man-custard!!! He continued to howl as his whole body started to throb and distort!!!
Outside Cheemac the Druggie floated past Lotty's house, enchanted by the light from the "full" moon!!! He heard the howling and the screams and saw blood splatter on the inside of Lotty's curtainless bedroom window but decided he should just ooze on home and watch the double bill of Hammer Horror on BBC2... best not to get involved really.
To be continued...
Pardon me... but when do the giant Whelks turn up and absorb humanity?!?
Well said... and may I add...
The knobbed whelk, Busycon carica, is the second-largest species, ranging up to 12 in. (40.6 cm). They have tubercles (or spines) along the shoulder. Knobbed whelks eat clams. They open the clam with their hard shellstrong muscular foot and insert their long proboscis. The knobbed whelk is a common predator of the intertidal mudflats and as far offshore as 26 fathoms (48 m). The channeled whelk, Busycotypus canaliculatus, is slightly smaller than the knobbed whelk and has a smooth shell with a deep square channel which is continuous on all the whorls, just below the suture of the shell.
Night of the Welks!
Part 3 - The Wild animal theory!
Issak dragged his briused and battered carcass out of the police station. They couldnt charge him with anything as no human being could have ripped Lotty apart like that. All the same the interrogation had been brutal and Issak had received a good sound kicking from some of the more experienced officers. The fuzz were working on some far out theory that Issak had locked Lotty in her bedroom with a wild animal, stupid bastards!
Issak was feeling a bit brittle and needed some pills to calm him down and ease the pain. Only one place to go... Cheemac the Druggie's!
Post a Comment
<< Home